Sky Up In the Sky, Ground Down On the Ground

British Whale, "America" – I’ll warn you about two things upfront: first, British Whale is actually a side project of ("rock showman") Justin Hawkins of the Darkness, and second, “America” is probably fifty times as stupid as anything on Permission To Land, including the thinly-veiled songs about doing the one-handed rope-climb. I should also probably mention that even the British don’t seem too down with the whole British Whale side-venture; the single from which this came, a cover of Sparks’ “This Town Ain’t Big Enough For Both Of Us”, made a pathetic debut at #7, and even PopJustice – not ordinarily known for its gravitas – couldn’t wait to call it dire. Keep in mind that the British loved the Darkness so much that two of their songs ended up in the top 40 for all of 2004 – it’s a bit of a shift.

Well, their loss; I’m really getting a kick out of this deliriously stupid piece of crap, “America The Beautiful” guitar solo and all. I don't want to say that my appreciation for it is unironic, partially because I doubt that a song that paints such a simplistic and stupid picture of America was written with American consumption in mind in the first place, but mostly because I'm not certain if I'm being ironic or not myself. "America", like all the best Darkness songs, is awesome because after about five seconds, you're either putting it on repeat or taking up arms against it; however, like all the most useless Darkness songs, it's contemporary music that has absolutely nothing to do with the present in any artistic sense whatsoever. All we know about this music right now is that it exists; whether Justin Hawkins is the 2005 version of Steve Perry or just the 2005 version of Some Dong From The Bloodhound Gang is a question probably best left to the historians. (Click here to buy the "This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us" single from recordstore.co.uk)

Matson Jones, "A Little Bit Of Arson Never Hurt Anyone" - I have to assume that one night, everyone in this band had the following dream:

Bruce Dickenson: "I gotta be honest with you, ladies - "
every member of Sleater-Kinney/Bikini Kill/etc: "Yeah?"
Bruce Dickinson: "I could use a little more cello."

(Click here to buy Matson Jones from Amazon.com)